you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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