We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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