It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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