I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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