I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
