I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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