drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
