Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
