i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
