Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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