My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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