apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
