I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
