dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
