just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
