Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
