We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
