I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
