What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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