she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
