I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
