so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
