Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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