Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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