I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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