Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
