i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
