Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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