I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
