I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
