I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
