your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
