I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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