worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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