Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
