Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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