Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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