If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
