just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
