So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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