Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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