I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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