I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
