if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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