I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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