So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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