I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
