He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
