she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
