Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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