just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
