I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
