be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
