$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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