I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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