its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
