what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
