I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
