I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
