he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
