She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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