ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
