I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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