look no pants
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Buhtt sex?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
