i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
