come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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